When it's Over
by Genji
Summary: A Duo monolog, talking to Heero around the time of the final battle.


When It's Over  
======================================================  
Title: When It's Over   
Part: 1/1  
Author: Genji  
Category: Songfic  
Pairing: 2 +1  
Warnings: Language, monologue, um...shounen-ai, Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, I didn't write, sing or pretend to sing, "I Wanna Be There." That belongs to Blessed Union of Souls. All I did was omit some of the lyrics.  
Feedback: Now, if you wrote something, would you want me to respond? Wait, bad question. How about if you wrote to your fave g-boy, would you want him to write back? I thought so. I want it too.  
Notes:  
  
Duo POV  
He's talking to Heero, I think it's on Peacemillion, but it really could be anywhere towards the end.  
  
======================================================  
  
{Won't you let me catch your fall  
Won't you let me lend a hand}  
  
Perfect Soldiers don't need help. I should know that by now. I should be tired of being called an idiot, pushed away when I'm just trying to help. And I am. I'm sick of this, and yet I can't stop myself. I figure if I bug you enough you'll eventually let me try my hand at something. Smart idea, right? But who the hell's gonna make sure you don't go insane when this entire thing is over? I don't plan on hanging 'round for long. I mean, sure you're my fellow soldier, or terrorist I should say, but I don't plan on forever chasing the impossible.   
  
{Those lonely eyes have seen it all  
But love's too blind to understand}   
  
We've seen our share of shit, you've tried to kill me I don't know how many times. Even with some chick riding your tail at every turn, you still seem to be on a different planet--a world of your own. Imagine that.   
  
One of these days you're gonna be in for a rude awakening, Heero, and you'll find out that everything is not cut and dried. One of these days the missions will stop coming and I just wanna be here to make sure you're semi-normal before I fade into the darkness. I always promise myself that, and then you'll do something stupid, like trying to kill yourself and I start wondering.   
{Cause you don't know what you have  
'Til your everything is gone  
You need someone to show you how to live again.}  
  
I can just picture it: you standing in line for groceries, waiting in the welfare office, trying to get a job. What will you write under previous jobs? Gundam pilot? Terrorist from on high?   
  
Naw, you may be intelligent, but you don't have the streets smarts to get you through life. Sorry, man, but that's just what you get when you're raised up to be a soldier and then you aren't needed anymore. That's why I'm offering my services. Or I think I am.   
  
{I wanna be there when you're feeling high  
I wanna be there when you wanna die}  
  
What goes up must come down, right? And right now we're both high on adrenaline. The higher we go, the harder we crash, but neither of us wants to come down. Like drug addicts we try to do the impossible and when we do succeed we search for another rush, another battle to engage in just so that we can put our sorry-ass lives on the line one last time.   
  
And when it's over? What will we do then? Just live out normal lives like the rest of these blissfully ignorant civilians? Chase our next high by skydiving? I don't know about you, but I think I'd fall asleep doing that.   
  
{I'm gonna light your fire  
Gonna feel your fame}  
  
Then of course the 'we' part of this thing hits me. I really shouldn't talk in first person plural. What the hell's gonna happen to 'us'? Granted, there was never one to begin with, but one can always hope, right? One can always reach for the impossible. God, I've got a bad habit for doing that. But maybe someday you'll look back and remember, or maybe we'll look back. I really wish I knew more about what the future held, but then what fun would that be? Life is what you make it, and I might as well give this thing a shot.   
  
You didn't move a muscle, I'm glad you didn't hear this part.   
  
{I wanna be there when you go insane  
I wanna be there when you're feelin' down  
And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' round}  
  
Speaking of life, it's funny that no one from our squad (it really can't be called anything more than that) has a home to go back to.   
  
Wufei's colony sorta went KA-BOOM and Q-man gets lost in that huge ass family of his, Trowa's got no one, save for the mercenaries, and I don't think they'll last anything that chick Relena puts through. Catherine's there. I don't know about him, but I would think a guy can only put up with so much smothering. She can't protect that dude from the world; hell, the world needs to be protected from him.   
  
Quite frankly, if I see another gun after this whole mess is over I think I will go on a rampage, maybe that'll get Relena's message across. You don't want wackos like us having access to any weapons. Me? Don't I have a home? I didn't know you cared. Don't glare at me!   
  
Nope, Maxwell church went down, as for the streets-- well let's just say I'm not in any hurry to return from whence I came.   
  
You? No fucking clue.   
  
Maybe you'll head off with Relena, do this world some good. Of course, you might go insane and join me on that rampage I spoke of earlier. Won't that deal shock the world?   
  
I don't know. This whole peace idea thingy is confusing the hell outta me. All I know is that I'll fight to the end, and I know you'll do the same, but God, the repercussions of this whole damn war have yet to hit. Some dude said something about the youth being the ones who hafta fight and die and then deal with the consequences afterwards (1). I just hope I can fade into the masses and no one asks me where the hell I was in AC 195. Or about the nightmares. I hate to think that these damn things'll be following me forever, wherever I go. Enough to put a guy in therapy, and if that happens everything might come out to a third party.   
  
{You wouldn't know that I was there  
Cause I have been there all the time  
And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms  
And leave this madness all behind.}  
  
I guess I'm not the only one who's gonna need therapy. You've had your share of demons too, and I would bet that everyone from Quatre to Wufei is going through this crap. It would be better if we sorta all leaned together and got through this, than seeking outside help or something. Cause someone from the outside'll condemn us for what we've done or haven't done and who we've done what to.   
  
Nothing does make sense, and people are tops in the idiocy department. They want peace but they don't want war. Well, Relena's been preaching that since almost the beginning of Operation Meteor. Of course they didn't listen to her then. Figures.   
  
I guess I'll just give you my number if you keep acting like Mr. Brick-Wall-Who's-Too-Good-For-The-Screwed-Up-Crowd. I probably should say, 'join the club,' but I think you *are* the club.   
  
Sometimes I wonder how you can go through life without saying more than, 'Hn.' You're always hearing but never listening. Man, that's just sad. I think you really are trying to prove that saying, 'No man's an island,' wrong. And you're doing a wonderful job--in the daylight. The night is when your subconscious takes over, and then even I gotta feel sorry for you. Yeah, I know, you are not one to take pity very well, but what can I say? You're pitiful. Ok, that didn't come out right, per usual. But one of these days you're gonna realize you can't do this alone, and where will you be then? Hopeful someplace with padded walls.  
  
{Cause you got so much to give  
But you throw it all away  
And all you got to show for who you are is pain}  
  
God, I hate this war. We could've all been something. We would be finishing up our sophomore year in high school now, talking about failing the driving test, or getting that new game, 'Blood Bath,' or applying for a job when we finally did turn 16 or even checking out colleges.   
  
That seems like it all belongs in a different world. Such carefree things don't belong to those who've walked on the wrong side of the grave too many times, to us, who have dealt out the punishments for a god that either doesn't exist or doesn't care. And for all our sacrifices, what the hell do we get? The brush off when all is said and done.   
  
We're the products of our environment, and wasn't our environment good enough to give us weapons of mass destruction to demonstrate what we thought of the world's faux peace? And when this outlet for all the anger and betrayal and pain is taken from us, what will we do? Will we sit back and adapt to a life without fighting?   
  
You can take a soldier outta the war but you can't take the war outta a soldier. I've seen the veterans of previous wars. Some are so delusional that they just sit on the curb, muttering orders to imaginary recruits. I don't wanna end up like that. I don't want someone else to follow in their footsteps.   
  
{And I've got so much to give  
If you'd only let me in  
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend  
You'll believe in love again}  
  
Yeah, that thought ain't pretty. So I've got the time, and I suspect, when this cruel farce is over, you will too. So maybe we can somehow use each other to make ourselves seem normal on the outside, well as normal as anyone can be, for that matter. I know you think of me only as a partner.   
  
Don't say you don't. Trust me, I know what I see.   
  
At least that's what it seems, and that's fine with me. But there's no way you can go through life internalizing every little emotion. One of these days you're gonna explode, and if you don't have someone nearby it's gonna be one hell of a mess. Think Vesuvius and Hiroshima combined.   
  
You don't know what they are? Vesuvius is a volcano and Hiroshima was hit by the first atomic bomb. Yes, the A-bomb. They thought it was a hell of a weapon, had an arms race too--stock piled them like crazy way back when. I guess we should be glad for small favors that it was outlawed. Don't scowl like that. It ended a war, for God's sake. But you gotta ask at what cost, cause this way it takes longer but less people are hurt.   
  
No, I wouldn't call them innocents, I've seen too much of humanity to call anyone that. Fine, think what you want. I just call 'em as I see 'em.   
  
Maybe I can somehow win your trust or something and then I'll let that Relena-chick take over. If there's one thing I can say about her, she's as stubborn as hell, and that's good, because you'll fight her every step of the way. And I hope she wins.   
  
Just the thought of you, and all of us for that matter, having to have whatever future we might have had screwed up because of this damn war pisses me off. So I'm gonna make sure we all make it out of here ok, and then you can go kill yourself, but not until I'm done.   
  
Are you even listening to me?   
  
{I wanna be there in the pouring rain  
I wanna be there when you call my name  
I'm gonna light your fire  
Gonna feel your flame}  
  
For some reason I've got this picture in my head about what'll it be like when this crap is over. Rain. It's going to be raining. Sorta like Mother Nature's way of cleansing the earth of everything that's happened, and it's the promise of a new beginning. Yeah, that sounds corny, but I can't picture it any other way. We're all gonna touch down and then blow these gundams five ways halfway to Sunday.   
  
Yes, I KNOW I got the expression wrong. You don't mess with many things, which include: Death, Shinigami, the gundams, and Sunday. Do you really want to know? No? I thought so. Atheist.   
  
I mean, I love Deathscythe HELL, but if it means that I'm gonna hafta pilot him again, then there's no way I'm going to keep Deathie.   
  
Don't laugh! Wipe that smirk off your face!   
  
Sometimes it's best to let things go.   
  
I really should listen to my own cliché advice. I don't wanna give you over to Relena, though I think outta sheer persistence she deserves you; or is it you that deserves her? Tracking us down takes some work, don'tcha think? Plus that aughta make up for all the times you've waved a gun at her, and I'd be rid of you once and for all.   
  
But I don't want to be.   
  
Argh! I keep on contradicting myself. I don't know what I want anymore, and it's so damn confusing. Maybe it would be best if this war went on. Then we'd never hafta worry about what happened afterwards.   
  
Afterwards...well, I try not to think that far. I just don't wanna get burned, so I'll bite my tongue and put a good face on. Just be happy to be a friend.   
  
Good, I'm glad you aren't listening. Just keep on typing on that computer and everything'll be just fine. I gotta say something, and I really don't care if you're listening or not, just so's that I keep up my end of the bargain. I'm not the one who's gonna hafta live with you.   
  
{I wanna be there when you go insane  
I wanna be there when I'm outta town  
And when your whole damn world is crashing down}  
  
Something tells me life isn't gonna work out like we've planned out countless of times, when missions were low and there was nothing left to do but talk about wistful things. Trowa's not gonna go back to his circus, Quatre's sisters won't understand him, specially after Mr. Winner and Iria died. Wufei won't find the justice he so fervently seeks, cause I hate to break it to him, life ain't just. It's all an illusion, and there's never anything right down the middle.   
  
As for me, going to school is out of the question. They're gonna put me down with the little kids because I don't have a transcript to my name. They won't give me any damn credit for what I've been through or what I've learned, cause then they'll lock me up. They can't let terrorists run around lose.   
  
You said you didn't have any dreams, and maybe that was wise, because you can't be disappointed, can't be disillusioned like the rest of us undoubtedly will.   
  
But we can hope.   
  
What can you do?   
  
Nothing. Since you've focused on the worst, you can't hope of getting anything better. What a jolly life you're gonna lead. What will you do when you're all alone? I know I'm repeating myself, but you never answer. So I'll just keep on asking until I go blue in the face.   
  
Don't make any snide comments! I'm not in the mood.   
  
{Cause you don't know what you have  
'Till your everything is gone  
You need someone to show you how to live again}  
  
Yeah, no one's gonna help you outside of the five of us, and I don't think you can help yourself that much at this point. I, sure as hell, am the only one who has the patience. Quatre would eventually give up, Trowa wouldn't say much, just be silent. That'd do a lot of good. As for Wufei, well I think at the end of the day you and he would be at each other's throats.   
  
You'd better start learning because this illusion's not gonna last long. Trust me on this, man. Quatre's got the space heart; I've got the fortune-teller bones.   
  
Why are you opening up a book? Don't you understand? One of these days I'm gonna hafta go on my merry way and then all you'll have to learn from is books. I am your living reference, I have seen what's gone on outside the walls of your self-contained life, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty. But if you're gonna be that way and ignore me, fine. I'll just go talk to Deathscythe HELL, I'm sure it'll sink in as much on him as it does on you.   
  
{I wanna be there when your baby cries  
I wanna be there when they tell you lies}  
  
But I couldn't live with myself if I left you. I'd never hear the end of it from Relena. Heck, I have yet to hear the end of it, not that we talk much.   
  
But promise me, promise her, that you won't let your kid go through this shit they've put us all through, you won't put your kid through the crap you've put me through. I don't want you ignoring it. There's already enough traumatized kids out there, and I don't want yours to be one of them. I think one cold and unfeeling Heero in the world is enough.   
  
Ok, that was harsh, but that got your attention.   
  
Anyway, you gotta remember, Heero, that not everyone is as they seem. You've had your share of falsehoods, hell, we're living a lie, but out there the truth is just a figure of speech. So don't listen to them when they condemn us. There'd be no earth if it weren't for us, there wouldn't be any colonies either. I guess that means mankind would've destroyed itself in this war, and maybe that does make us villains. But never, ever, ever take what people say at face value.   
  
They've gotten good at lying out there. There are professional liars out there who'll tell everyone what they want to hear and not do a damn thing but line their own pockets. They're called politicians.   
  
No, don't look at me that way. I'm serious. I betcha that book didn't say anything about that.   
  
{I wanna be there when your nights are long  
And when you're feeling like you don't belong.}  
  
I'm telling you, it ain't gonna be easy. I know for a fact it's gonna be hard on all of us. We're gonna be waking up in the night, hearing alarms that never rang and never will again and we'll wonder why we didn't die in battle. And I'll tell you why--   
  
Don't you dare roll your eyes! I'm about to enlighten you and you're just sitting there, reading a book? What is it? _101 Ways to Kill Your Partner Before He Finishes His Monologue_? I don't think that's fair. Fine, read for all I care, but I'm not gonna shut up until I'm good and done. Don't you dare sic Q-man on me; he's got the happiest future of us all--the promise of one. Go ahead, walk out of the room. Oh, you don't want to now? Fine, be that way.   
  
We haven't died yet because someone has to end this war. If we die now, even if one of us dies, the war will still be on, because you can't compensate for one of us. We're the only ones who can finish what some idiot in a suit started. So, just think of all the lives you will have saved by killing those that wanted war. Which makes me wonder why you haven't killed Dorothy.   
  
Hey, I didn't ask for excuses. It was a rhetorical question, man.   
  
{I'm gonna be there in the morning  
I'm gonna be there in the night  
I'm gonna be there to make you strong when you're tired  
I'm gonna be there when you want me  
I wanna be there when you don't}  
  
Let's look at it this way. We've got about a battle left, give or take a couple. I'm gonna be here, in your face, reminding you of what happens afterwards, whether you like it or not. Sure, try and kill me, but just remind yourself that if anyone of us dies before this is over, it ain't gonna be over for a long, long time. And yeah, when this is over, you can shout at me all you want, but I'm gonna make sure you semi-readjust and that Relena knows to keep all weapons away from you.   
  
Now why are you getting up? I'm not finished! I'll have Q-man send you on a guilt trip if you try and kill me. Let go of me! What the fu-   
  
Oh. I guess Relena's out of one husband.   
  
~OWARI~  
  
(1) "Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die. And it is youth who must inherit the tribulation, the sorrow and the triumphs that are the aftermath of war." --Herbert Hoover  



End file.
